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[25 Oct 2008|04:35pm]

Friends only <3

[03 Mar 2008|11:58pm]

beauty is all around [09 Jan 2008|01:52pm]
Some lines from the new book im reading that I can't stop gushing over....

"Because you too are a writer , and mysteries inspire you but they must be dominated conquered."

"For you and for me, the highest moment, the keenest joy is not when our minds dominate but when we lose our mind- and you and I both lose it in the same way, by love"

"She invents her life as she goes along- she sees no difference between fiction and reality. How we love that in her."

"I see you before me constantly, with your head down and your long lashes lying on your cheeks. And I feel very humble. I don;t know why you should single me out- it puzzles me."

"Once you came within a foot of me, face to face, and the back of a chair between us- how did I ever restrain myself? And there were other times I felt only your mind, and your mind is slippery, it gets between my thoughts and I have to squirt sand or the wheels will slip."

On a sad note, my type writer has died on me. Im looking for another one as soon as possible.

what a bust! [03 Jan 2008|12:59pm]
New Years was not worth my time at all. It should have been spent laying in bed.

[02 Jan 2007|02:49pm]
new years was sweet. this past three or four days was sweet i guess. saturday bethany and i took a taxi to tsi and then to alex's and got super stoned.
went to matts party for new years. as i pulled up i realized that i did the same thing i did last year minus trying to roll and going to the club afterwards. i've been really good about not driving under the influence. yeah i got my license back finally. and last night i finally went to the ouroboros to see roargan ,telepathik friends, and chase's band the laserstar which was hilarious. it wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be probally just because devin would come talk to me every 20 minutes or so. ugh/ were hanging out thursday. we'll see what happens. i just wanna cuddle. mannnn. some dude at the party grabbed my ass. he apologized to me last night about it. "im usually not like that but i think youre pretty" hah. i hate men. i have to go to work today. when i die no one has to go to work i'll get it made into a national holiday. there's another show tonight at devins place. im going. why? no clue.

[15 Dec 2006|08:33pm]
my back hurts like a motherfucker fucked my spine.
i got a sharp pain in my tummy today at work when i was lifting some heavy books.
thats not good at all.
i've also gained about 3-5lbs.
i really wish i knew.

[14 Dec 2006|03:53pm]
i went and had my blood work done today to find out if i will be having a baby or not. it's so scary and confusing and everything else you would think it is. i threw up this morning. it was pretty nasty. devin and i went to hovan and i threw up in the parking lot on the way there. that was nasty too. this will be a stressful 3-5 business days.

word [06 Dec 2006|11:47pm]
things are going well, i suppose. for some reason my mind hasnt been racing like it was when we were together which is good. and strange. maybe i am stronger than i thought? whatever it is im taking this one day at a time and hoping for the best. whatever happens happens. i spent the night out last night at buckner's house with a bunch of drunk fools. i was one of them. we played destroyer with tecate(sp?),
that mexican beer. worse idea ever. i was wasted by the end of the night and as i got up to go crash in a bed i fell face first into the floor. im not hurt or anything but it was embarrassing.

while i was at work tonight two ladies at the bus stop right outside the library got robbed at gun point. our security guard doesnt even have a gun. whats the point?
and they gave us info on secret santa. i hope whoever gets my name gets me nothing but sour candy.

oh and im starving myself. that and the boy. i finally found a hook-up.

baby im bad news [03 Dec 2006|11:19pm]
so i spent this weekend getting wasted with an old friend and going out and dancing both friday and saturday. it helped. im guessing it did because i havent cried or anything. im glad ashley and i have started hanging out because i would be a total mess right now if it wasnt for her. and i decided im not going to go to the first show at quroborus (sp?) because honestly i cant deal with that now. ugh oh and to make matters even better is the fact that my period is really late. cool thanks. this is all i need. whatever i completely hate guys as of now.

work is going good i guess considering ive been mopey. but i got cute new work clothes thanks to my mom. work keeps my mind off of everything well except smoking cigarettes. i wish you could smoke everywhere. because i would.

i watched my girl two times tonight and have been eating peanut butter,jelly, and bananas sandwhiches.

i really want to move far away.

[30 Nov 2006|06:31pm]
so once again i let him do it. devin broke up with me today. yes im miserable yes i just want to sit in my room with some whiskey and cocaine and get fucked up and yes i'll cry for the next month. fuck him. i hope he realizes that he's an asshole for doing this to me again. karma's a total bitch,

[29 Nov 2006|01:43am]
how come the day is sooo much easier to deal with than at night?

i went to devin's aunt and uncle's house for thanksgiving. i swear the only reason i want to devin to marry me is so his mom can make me food all day every day. she made this dank pumpkin ice cream pie and an apple and cranberry pie. fuck i wish my mom was a chef.
devin and i hung out the next couple days after thanksgiving and sunday i helped him with the venue. i painted the window outside which was fun. i gotta start working on a painting so he can put it up in the place when it opens. his first show is dec. 9th!! thats so soon. i still cant believe he is doing this i mean im proud of him but damn i woulda thought he would have been more prepared or woulda won the lottery first.

its 1:30 and im drinking whiskey and coke. because i have to go to sleep and well i cant sleep worth shit these days so its either booze or sleeping pills.

we have plumbing guys coming over in the morning at 8 to redo all the pipes. im gunna trot around in my underwear and listen to frank zappa while their here.

oh i started work today. they let me check people out and everything. it wasnt as hard as i thought it was going to be. people check out some weird books. weird people check me out. they have me shelving the romance and mystery sections! how lame. i hate romance novels. i really wanted to shelve the non-fiction sections so i can memorize every book and start reading them all. i will be the smartest person in that library soon enough. too bad my oh so sweet boyfriend didnt even ask about my first day at work on the phone. i was slightly sad at first then remembered how boys dont care/ or remember things like that. doesnt he know how fast i can replace him? kidding.

orientation at city hall was weird. i was the youngest person in the room but they got us pizza for lunch so all the dirty looks for my tattoos were over ruled by free veggie pizza.

im off to watch the rest of conan and drink the rest of my best friend.

shake [22 Nov 2006|05:11pm]
i hate that during the summer it's so incredibly hot and all i do is wish for the winter but as soon as it gets here i hate it with a passion. i won't go outside. well i will if someone bought me a nice fur coat.

i start working again monday. orientation at city hall. an eight hour day. i havent done that in a second.

this year is almost over with. thank god. 2007 will be my year of actually getting shit done instead of just talking about it.

i really need to ditch the ole boy but its hard for me to do things like that. were living in two different worlds and i'll add that this will be the last musician i ever date ever again. because well.. they suck at relationships but i think all boys do.

i just hate how i give my heart completely and they only give a piece. in all reality i just want to get married and have babies.

that dont bother me [17 Nov 2006|05:31pm]
i miss boy very much. he came over last night to pick up his pack of cigarettes that he had left. he left at four in the morning to go sleep at chase's house on the couch that a boy died on. im such a little girl. like a spoiled little girl who needs lots of love and if she doesnt get it she pouts and runs away. and he puts up with that. oh wonderous amazing boy. he told me all about scales and major chords and frequency and stuff that went in one ear and out the other.i wish he was the type of guy that wanted to get married and have babies but he's not and that makes me a tad bit sad. i guess it shouldnt because we are only 21 years well i am almost 21.. in five months i will be legally able to drink in bars. which means nothing because i already do it'll just be nice i guess. i dont think i look twenty one at all.i look like susie from calvin and hobbes. i didnt get to sleep this morning until five am which also means i slept until 3:30 pm. oh horrible sleep patterns. thanksgiving is almost here and i cant wait to go to dev's families house to eat. his mom makes the best desert ever. tony's birthday is sunday. its weird that he is 30. its weird that ive hung out with "the older crowd" since i was 13. i grew up too fast. i sat in my room last night and listened to dinosaur jr and painted. its getting really cold outside. i need books to read!oh i had a wonderful dream last night. it was my birthday party and everyone got me great gifts and were extra nice to me and even dick's ex girlfriend came and we said we were sorry and it was all very nice. she gave me banana pudding.

puppy head is doing nice. i've been calling her puppy head now and i am a little girl with a little puppy.

[03 Nov 2006|03:05pm]
whiskey and coke.
trey sanford
bethany buckner
devin grant
and me
the melvins at jackrabbits.
it was cool.
some dude fucked up his leg really bad and there was blood everywhere which was tighhht.

i went to a job interview at the library yesterday.
i hate interviews.
i have another one for office depot on monday.
i have to hurry up and get a job because i get my license back realllly soon. its going to be about 300 dolla's for that shit and then i have to find some cheap car insurance.

i miss devin a lot.
and because of that i've been shoving my face with food.

oh yeah and we have a baby pit bull.

tomorrow night is the roargan show at tsi! go go go!

god damn! god damn! [29 Oct 2006|10:45pm]
halloween is in two days and i still have no costume. but...
mia from pulp fiction
or a heroin addict
..i can do these two quite well.
whatever i just want to get wasted and smoke a lot of pot and eat candy.

devin moved out of my house. it was way too stressful..i will never ever live with another boy for the rest of my life. he's messy and inconsiderate and im just crazy. whatever were still together which is good i guess but space is deff..needed.

i still havent gotten a job but the library called me back and i must call them monday morning and tuesday i will be looking for jobs at 12 places because i made a list.

devin bought me a fish but it died. it died the day after he moved out.

beth's baby shower is coming up. i havent seen her in a couple months i bet she is really big and pregnant looking now. i still cant believe she got pregnant before i did. could of sworn it was going to be the other way around.

i really hope devin brings weed with him tonight when he comes over because i have cookies and cream ice cream. i wanna eat ice cream and have sex stoned outta my mind.

oh SHIT! im off of probation. fuck yes. i got off only after being on for four months. i get my license back soon and i'll be going to new york. suckerzzz!

devils night is tomorrow. satan lives in my closet.

word is bond [18 Oct 2006|11:41pm]
things are all good in the hood.
done with community service.
things with boy are good now that im not on my period anymore.
i just need to find a job now.
hank williams III is saturday i think. whiskey o'plenty.
mango dank + musuems are a match made in heaven.
oh why wont it rain pain pills instead of water?

wow [09 Oct 2006|06:44pm]
updates! in no particular order-
i had moved out into avondale.
my roomate was uptight and crazy and wouldnt let any of my friends in the house.
i packed up and left with nowhere to go besides back to the rents.

i got arrested in june.
i cant drive for another 3months which is killing me.
i still have 20 hours of community service to do.
and 600 dollars in court fines.
but the fact that i called every cop i saw in the jail a nazi made jail a little bit more fun.

devin and i broke up and i wouldnt speak to him for months. dated dick for about two months, had fun, learned that he has a lot of growing up to do... but honestly what boy doesnt and somehow devin has weasled his way back into my life and now lives with me until he can get his store/space up and running. oh my god yes its true devin has moved out of the tower of power finally. whatever were basically back together. love is a horrible thing. but its bro-mantic.

i quite my job a month ago and still havent found another one.im going out tomorrow to find one after i slave away at the boys home and get some community service hours done.

i havent been drinking every night like i was doing. but when i do ya know i wyle out pretty hard snortin pills and taking gb hits. tiiiighhhhtt.

ha this makes it sound like my life sucks but it totally rules. oh and im writing a book on the people that i meet on the city bus also. yeah there are wild kittens in my shed in the backyard too.

fuck you hoes [14 Mar 2006|05:24pm]
today is bethanys birthday. I bought her a polaroid camera cuz someone ganked her other one. were doing sushi and drunk bowling? higghhhh

devin and I have been together for a YEAR. beat that mutha fuckas'. i love dat nigga. his 21st birthday is coming up too! im going to buy him nikes and books on the ocean. nigga better buy me cristal for my birthday.

i wanted to get real drunk last night but i got tired and went to sleep instead. maybe tonight i'll get real drunk?

yesterday phil,dev,trey, josh, and i went to la nops and we ate 5 baskets of chips two things of queso and two things of salsa. THATS WHAT KICKBALL DOES TO YOU BITCH! im permanent pitcher and i am the best.

drugs drugs drugs drugs.

fuck a nigga who does cocaine.

have you seen the middle of the night? [21 Feb 2006|09:28pm]
Im bored out of my mind.

In other news, the second weekend of the rainbow gathering could have sucked my dick. No LSD was found and the people sucked so bad. We did go swimming and there were naked hippies which made me happy, they had pancakes from midnight to six a.m with snickers and fruit in them and I also swallowed that pure mdma and had a heart to heart talk with Devin. Him and I have so much to learn from one another. That nigga's got my heart. But besides that people mooched off of us, I didnt go poop for three days because there was no way in hell I was shitting in the woods, and the bottoms of my feet are all cut up (my own fault, I hippied out and walked around barefoot). im glad to be back in "babylon".

Whyyy isn't there anyone to hang out with right now?

I think im going to try and catch Flo when she gets outta school and maybe get some beers and go to london bridge and see Alex. That would probally make things a lot better. Get drunk watch alex wail on guitar then crawl into my second bed at the tower of power with my bunny.

Today doesnt feel like tuesday. today feels like sickday. I do feel sick. I always feel sick though. Devin gave me his cold and all i've been doing is coughing my lungs up. Will I quit smoking? No of course not. Im not healthy.
Everyone that I tried to get away from from two years ago suddenly showed up at Devins house last night. It was stupid so I stayed in his room and got high and watched flight of the navigator and cuddled.

i've decided I like cuddling but only when I feel like it. any other time I feel like im suffocating.

I wanna be at the swing by the river in that persons yard.

Work is still dumb. im coping with it by singing songs and making fun of rich yuppies and/or cops.

adrien brody the cat is M.I.A


the sweetness lies within her legs [22 Jan 2006|05:35pm]
bela fleck and the flecktones- january 26th
chick correa- feb. 20th

Im hungry. Im broke. I wanna get high real bad. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I wish I had money for new clothes and I wish my hair would hurry the fuck up and grow into something amazing. I wish I lived in my own house by myself and could dance around in my underwear to music all day long. I wish my boyfriend would come over here so we could kiss and fuck.

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